Red Green Meets Robotech
by papa-51
Summary: Ever wonder what Red Green might do on Handy Man's Corner if he had access to some of those UN Spacy goodies? RobotechMacross crossed over with the Canadian public television show "The New Red Green Show". Perhaps one of the most oddball crossovers yet!


It was another beautiful day at Possum Lodge, a place where  
men could be men. In fact when the testostorone level got to a  
critical point, it was time to do something about it. It was time  
for:  
  
** Handyman's Corner!**  
  
Red walked on camera looking like he always does. Faded  
jeans, flannel shirt, battered felt hat, and suspenders with one red  
and one green stripe. Behind him is his shop, dusty and moldy as  
ever. Scattered around are the remains of several previous projects  
like the patio table cum windsurfer, a fender from the Hummerdinger,  
and the pair of waders Red blew up during the inflated wader contest  
the previous year. There is also a big heap of some kind of shiny  
fabric on the bench. He begins speaking in his trademark gravelly  
voice.  
  
"Hi, I'm Red Green, and today on Handyman's Corner we are  
going to show you how to make a Zentraedi pop-up tent. Utilizing  
nothing but some 1/2" PVC pipe and fittings, two small tarps and a  
pair of female Zentraedi panties." The camera zooms past Red to show  
the materials arrayed out on the workbench. Now that he mentions it,  
it is obvious that the pile of fabric are indeed a huge pair of  
women's panties. They are a shiny olive drab.  
  
"Well, the first thing we are going to do is construct the  
frame. Having already taken the measurments from the, uh, tent  
shell, I've cut the uprights and ridgepoles to the right size." Red  
picks up several pieces of white schedule 40 PVC pipe and shows them  
to the camera.  
  
"Next, we hook them together with tees and elbows." Red  
deftly inserts the various lengths of PVC into the fittings. When he  
is done the framework looks something like an A frame house without  
the siding. "Now, you can fasten this together any way you like,  
you can use PVC cement, nuts and bolts, whatever your favorite  
fastening system is. Here at Possum Lodge, we use the Handyman's  
Secret Weapon: Duct Tape." Red proceeds to take several turns of  
duct tape around each of the fittings, firmly joining the fittings to  
the lengths of PVC.  
  
"Now we are ready for the, uh, tent shell. Now, I'm sure you  
are wondering why we are using a pair of Zentraedi's ladies  
undergarments. Well, there are three major reasons. First, they are  
the right size to make a tent that will sleep three to four people.  
Second, if we used male Zentraedi's shorts, we would have an extra  
hole to worry about. Third, female Zentraedi undergarments are  
incredibly waterproof and odor resistant. Odor resistance is  
something you really need if you are camping out with any of the guys  
from the lodge."  
  
Red walks over to the table and picks up the giant pair of  
panties. He walks over to the tent frame and whisks the fabric over  
the top. Pulling the waistband of the panties down to the ground,  
the whole construction does indeed look like a tent. Albieight a  
tent with two giant holes in it. "Now we have to fasten the tent to  
the frame. A little more duct tape will see to that." Moments later  
the tent is fully secured to the framework via a small seam of duct  
tape all around the bottom.  
  
Standing up from securing the bottom edge of the tent, Red  
grabs two green canvas tarps off the workbench. "We are using  
military surplus tarps instead of blue poly tarps for our doors.  
Though the poly tarps are lighter, the color clashes really bad with  
the olive drab green of the, umm..urr....tent fabric. Five by seven  
tarps seem to be about the perfect size to cover up the leg openings  
just about perfect. Secure the tarps in place with a generous amount  
of duct tape at the top." Red proceeds to do just this.  
  
"If you want you can completely tape up one of the tarps, but  
we prefer to have doors at both ends of the tent. That way if the  
amount of natural gas in the tent reaches critical, after say a  
chilli cookoff, any explosions will simply blow out the doors rather  
than destroying the whole tent due to over pressure."  
  
Finally Red steps back to admire his handiwork. In all  
respects, it isn't that bad of looking tent. If you didn't know  
better, you wouldn't be sure this was a giant pair of women's  
panties. All in all, it is one of Red's better ideas. "Well, there  
you go. A Zentraedi pop up tent. We here at the lodge would like to  
thank Miryia Sterling for the donation of the.....uh....materials.  
Thanks for watching, and keep your stick on the Ice!"


End file.
